That yawn-inducing cliffhanger was resolved without the drama many were predicting, but a pair of big-name departures left the Faithful reeling. Here are all the treacherous talking points…
Forget the internet rumours, Ross was comfortably killed
After a long wait, the result of that killer cliffhanger was a little underwhelming. Not so much the fault of the show itself, but the fevered speculation that had filled the six-day void. Would Ross Kemp rumble the ruse and unmask two Traitors at once? Would James Acaster and Maya Jama accidentally utter the kill-phrase at the same time, blowing both their secrets? Would Acaster publicly panic and break open the game?
But, as James and Jama theatrically yawned, it was Ross, not Jerry Hall, who cracked first. James said, “Sorry, Ross, am I boring you?” and the dastardly deed was done. If it had been Jerry, vigilant Ross might have reflected on their unsubtle soporific behaviour and posed a serious threat. Jerry had her head so far in the clouds that she didn’t even notice.
Despite being “sensitive to people coming close” to the extent of paranoia, the “unblinking cyborg” failed to spot that he was being bored to death. The Faithful had lost one of their mission powerhouses and more vocal players. There were further blows to come.
Conspiracies and croissants for breakfast
When the Faithful learned there’d been a murder in plain sight, a hubbub broke out at the breakfast table. The increasingly influential Michael Sheen thought it pointed to Leigh-Anne Pinnock, who’d done her dance routine with Miranda “Big Mix” Hart as a distraction.
Joanne “Miss Brazen” McNally already had heat on her and wasn’t doing herself any favours by talking too much. Sharon Rooney’s behaviour had changed. King Kenny cleverly caught out Sebastian “Bash” Croft, who couldn’t get his story straight. In only his second day on the job, the “natural born traitor” was working well. Miranda suspected Jerry Hall, who in turn suspected James Blunt for little reason other than that she’s Jerry Hall and she can do whatever she likes. The Faithful, once again, were looking in all the wrong directions. And they were about to don blindfolds, which wouldn’t help.
Reluctant Traitor bottled tense mission
Down in “the Traitors’ lair” (wait, surely that’s the turret?), the Faithful built shields to win protection. When the castle bell chimed, they donned blindfolds while the Traitors crept around to snatch jigsaw pieces from under their noses. It was so high stakes that James Acaster immediately bottled it and refused to remove his blindfold, let alone tiptoe around. Flanked by Michael and Bash, he was terrified of being busted. Co-conspirators Maya and Kenny were agog that he’d hung them out to dry. It could be payback time when it comes to Traitor-on-Traitor betrayal.
For once, the pressure also got to Maya, who mistakenly put stolen puzzle pieces back in the “cat litter tray”. With timbers creaking and ears twitching, they deemed it too risky. No money was banked for charity. Acaster, Blunty, Joanne and Michael all had shields, leaving five Faithful vulnerable to murder.
Meanwhile, Miranda was convinced she’d felt floorboards bounce. The wannabe Miss Marple was on the case. Teeny problem: it was the wrong case. She’d been flanked by Joanne and Maya when she sensed movement. Rather than suspect both (logical), she immediately settled on Joanne (duh) and made matters worse by telling her. Cue Joanne flinging counter-accusations, claiming she’d been set up. It was, she said, “a palace of paranoia”. The Faithful were overlooking clues once more.
Marple and Poirot missed whodunit
By the time the Round Table rolled around, Miranda had “debunked” her own theory. Maya had prepared “seven different lines of defence” but didn’t need them. More sleuthing missed the target when Sharon, aka the “Poundland Poirot”, found those empty perfume bottles and deduced they were the murder weapon. Without any sightings of people handling them, though, it was another blind alley.
The spotlight turned on Leigh-Anne, partly because she was wearing villainous red leather gloves. The two surviving members of the “crypt four” were her and Romesh Ranganathan. He was exonerated by his sinuses, having been sniffling in the lair (not the most attractive alibi), leaving only Leigh-Anne. Yet as so often happens, a late momentum swing flipped the script entirely.
James Acaster said Jerry fitted his “chaos theory”. She was accused of being a “professional pot-stirrer”. Her breakfast slip-up resurfaced. Miranda sealed the deal by suggesting that Jerry and Richard E Grant would have been “irresistibly iconic” together in the turret. On such flimsy grounds, banishment blunders are built. Jerry received nine votes out of 12. She departed in her “sexy cowgirl” costume with a cheery: “I love y’all.” But not as much as she loves Monty Don, it turned out. Gardeners’ World just got more glamorous (weather permitting – she doesn’t do rain).
Faithful must buck up before it’s too late
“You just banished a legend,” said a disapproving Claudia Winkleman. But it was what she said next that should resonate: “Time is running out. Regroup and focus.” The Faithful would do well to heed her words and get their backsides in gear. Yes, they’ve caught two Traitors, but one confessed and the other became obvious. They haven’t come close since.
As James Acaster said earlier in the episode, “One in four of us is a Traitor now, but I’m not feeling much heat. I don’t know how we’re getting away with it.” Yet that appears set to continue, with the likes of Joanne, Blunty and Sharon next in the cross-hairs. After losing another two big characters, the Faithful are weakened. Meanwhile, the actual Traitors are escaping scot-free. With just two episodes before the final, it currently looks like their game to lose.
Bash bashed or Rom at risk?
We left the turret trio weighing who to murder next. No yawning required, just a quill, a scroll and some strategic thinking. On the hitlist: Miranda, which would incriminate Joanne; the outspoken Bash, which would be hard to trace; or Romesh, the “deputy head of the Round Table” to dent Faithful morale.
Miranda and Joanne are both gunning for one another, so it’s tempting to leave them to it. It looks like a toss-up between the boys. I’d opt for Bash, because lingering doubts remain over Romesh’s membership of the “crypt four”. But were his bedtime words of “I think I’m gonna die tonight” foreshadowing? Or misdirection?